Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Diary Of An Ex


The sight of love, a friendship that lasts. We all crave for that--to have the truest person to possess our being, while we give all that we have in return. This is the mature concept of an ideal relationship, but in reality, it just like a glass which is half full.

You are journeying your life with the confidence of knowing how to manage the gray areas, then suddenly, someone arrives and he wants to take control of your life.

He will tell you his rules without asking you if that is the way you want your life to be. Questions pour like rain just to know if you are worthy of his trust. You prove all the best that you can be...but as time goes by, you find it tiresome to always adjust and accommodate what he wants..and what you want sits behind the relationship.

You feel invaded..and you wonder how come you allow that to happen. The happiness that used to be there is clouded by so much doubts:

...just because you failed to text..
...just because you want to be with friends...
...just because you have a mood..
...just because he wants to know all the details about you...

You feel that you are misunderstood. That you have to live day by day satisfying someone just to make him feel loved. Is that the way to sustain love? It seems like sustaining one's selfish needs forgetting yours.

If you are loved, it should be him who has to prove his worth. It has to be him who must initiate actions and not just mere lip service; if you are loved, you do not need to explain yourself to him because he should know that you have no intention of hurting him. But words came scarce until there is no more desire to explain. You let go...You leave.

Why must they always blamed you for leaving, you asked. Leaving is a sweet freedom. You were allowed anyway. The door was not locked so you made a graceful exit. Then you moved on. You stopped expecting from him.

Why should you be faulted if you did not find means to greet him during the holidays? You did not want to disturb his peace. Your greeting might just come in between you. him and whoever he is with now. So the best way is to leave him in peace. He will not run out of people to love him. You justified your action.

Of course, you remember him. Those good times of laughter and love. But you cannot go on remembering him so you always find means to let him escape your mind. There are other love coming along, but you wonder why you could not help but compare him to them.

Who is this new admirer wanting to take your time? Then you smile silently. You remember how he pursued you. That was touching. You know he made an extra effort to show you how much you meant to him and that is haunting.

But hey, there are others who can do that...yes..of course but is it a different person altogether.

Then you stopped and realized that he is only one in this world. Even if he could be cloned, the fact remains that it is not him. And so are you!

Love is truly an invasion of your entire being. It is not transferable hence you must always remember that the one you lost will not be the next person you will give your love to. He will always be different..and perhaps, the reason why he is worthy to remember is because he is he and there is no one like him in this mind-boggling and complicated world.

That is the beauty of knowing that love is unique in many special ways.

So that is the truth and you have moved on. Smile, The best thing to remember is how much deeply and truthfully you have loved him. That is over. He has forgotten you anyway.

3 comments:

Princess Maleiha Bajunaid Candao said...

The fact that you have loved deeply and truthfully is enough to know that you have once surrendered your independence to someone and that is TRUE LOVE...and the fact that you do not wish to love again because no one can be like him...that is TRUE LOVE. Keep the love...and even if you have moved on....you know, you have truly loved. :-)

rbleano said...

Good evening dear Princess!

Very deep thoughts and I can almost hear your brain and your heart too.

You're such a prolific writer on almost any topic, very artistic and with a big heart. I enjoy reading your work.

Princess Maleiha Bajunaid Candao said...

Salamat Ben, my friend. Thank you for the kind words and the effort to share your thoughts on my blog. God bless you my good friend. ;)

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