Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Beyond Physical Intimacy


By Princess Maleiha Bajunaid Candao

Once again, I sign my pen, in view of marriage as a bond for a healthy partnership and a sustaining commitment between spouses.

Great minds and books delve on attitudinal solutions to difficult marriages undergoing conflicts. But why seek answers from those who do not experience your own pains? The answer has always been within. It is soulfully within.

Searching the reality of life, we stumble at cases where difficult marriages mean that only one spouse is meeting his or her full responsibility as a mate. Whatever causes this failure has to be addressed. Whatever starts the pain must be stopped.

Usually, the joy of marriage is when both spouses meet each other's expectations. The opposite of this will result to a failure of one area in the union that has been neglected. This is not the way to treat a beloved.

Now here I am, unquestioning realities, but instead I offer some thoughts that might lessen the pain of a friend. Perhaps even that of a reader who reaches out to my hands. Here is what I can offer. Please listen to my thoughts and there you might not wonder.

While I want to talk about the factors that can contribute to marital discord, I want to provide a different perspective by talking about sex in marriage, decently. Raise no eyebrows for a princess has the right to express her stand. As long as decency is my rule, I shall break no laws in my family. Not yours for that matter, my dear loyal reader.

As a writer, my primordial concern is beyond just transmitting my thoughts but to convey them in an acceptable manner without offending the sensibilities of my readers considering that my blog readers come from different countries with varied cultural beliefs on sensitive issues like sex and marriage. I do this with care for it matters to me that you feel me in my words..feel the sincerity in my heart.

Hence I impose it upon myself to articulate my ideas on physical intimacy in marriage by catering to the standards of responsible authorship and welcoming even to the young and curious readers of today. The youth is our hope, the key to our future and the students of our present.

Sex in marriage is defined by me as the couple's "soulful connection"--this will allow you to look at our physical bodies not just as houses of mere gratification. Instead we should get in-touch with our souls through love and emotions that should be the basis of physical connection with our partners. There is a connection beyond the taste of one's lips and smell of one's breath--it is the connection of the body, mind and spirit.

I shall therefore not touch on the three-letter-word,"sex", using the "kamasutra" vocabulary, for the lexicon that I would like to encourage is the imperativeness of taking a deeper look at the significance of soulful oneness during sex and not just a form of lust quenching. The thirst for love is soulful. The taste of love in a soulful connection is eternal.

Sans generalization, many men want to get women to satiate their hunger for the flesh, hence, their polygamous nature is more often than not an ego-snuffing out-approach to get feedbacks on their masculinity. This happens if a man does not realize that he can be powerful even with just being with one woman alone. This happens only with the right partner, with the right woman.

I do not believe my dear readers, that a man needs more than ten women to complete his worth. A woman's value is not in quantity but quality. Akin to words and their meanings, akin to affections without numbers.

Many say that men womanize to prove how alluring they are to the opposite sex. A self-made man must not struggle for his masculinity. Principles make a man. His performance in bed is a private matter between him and his wife. We do not have the right to peep into their secrets. Humanity has boundaries.

Why do men have to collect and select women but in the end they feel vacuous for having to run away from commitments? A real man will never use sex to prove his masculinity nor inflate his shrunken ego. Real men respect their women and will always put them at the pedestal. These type of men are worth dying for.

Soulful connection in sex is all about sharing yourself with your partner completely without hesitation. It is beyond physical gratification for it fulfills not only a physical need. In fact, it feeds a soulful hunger .

Have you ever felt so lonely after sex? Or have you felt so connected that you seem fulfilled beyond words? The first question addresses a physical union without soulful connection and the latter is the opposite.

Soulful connection in bed allows spontaneity sans fretfulness. Anxious bed partners will show-off rather than interlock their souls with their mates. Let love flow freely. Let your soul unify with your mate.

Sexual proficiency should not be technical for physical union in marriage is between two human beings with heart and spirit. Liberate from impressing but focus more on connecting. If love and respect are present, soulful connection in bed fills up the empty spaces that separates each partner from the other.

An "unseen" guide during the process of the intimacy will guide both partners to the nucleus of their oneness...notwithstanding the turmoils of the outside world. Engaging in a romantic conversation with one's partner can help explore each other's preferences in bed. Being sensitive to your partner's unspoken need is a requirement to be soulfully connected with him or her, totally.

If passion dies, strengthen your soulful connection. Look at this connection beyond sex or procreation. Bolster the union, dear partners, to ensure that both of you will stay committed in marriage.

In simple words, soulful connection is achieved if both partners attained a sustaining degree of intertwined souls. Hence, sensitivity is highly suggested.

Ladies, be informed that you need to follow your instincts when it comes to love. There is no manual for this, my dear friend..for YOUR MAN is unique. You need to understand how your man imparts a need or a want without articulating it.

Ladies, be the fire of passion; be the key to balance; be the heart of his life and be his soulful connection.

Soulful connection calls for: absence of egoism in marriage, healthy intellectual discussions, slow in judgment, more room for understanding, avoid conflict and name calling. Of course, I am talking about the presence of love and respect here. What if those two important things are absent? Well, it is difficult to answer this for others, but in my case, I fought for my divorce.

Ask me not if I will turn my back on these beliefs for this I shall stand for: If I love a man, I shall love him with no reservation. But if I do not, I shall not imprison myself in a bond that will kill my self-dignity and respect. There is no fear in soulful connection if the feeling is true and sincere.

The beauty of love is that it balances negative and positive emotions by melting anger and building more love in return.

As marriage grows in time, lessons must be learned and changes must be welcomed. A smart and loving wife knows that she has to welcome all the changes in him as long as he still loves and respects her. A gifted wife is the one who brings out the best in her man. The man of her life.

If your man is not reciprocating all the good things you do for him, be not angry nor feel hurt. Talk to him with an open heart. If loves you, he will not hurt you. Free him from nagging by letting him breath on his own. If he loves you, he will never lose your direction nor turn his back on you. If he does not love you, you know the answer to that.

Ladies, pull your man to your arms when he needs you but never push him to go against his principles. Discuss with him your fears and worries about the relationship and if he loves you, he would voluntarily stop anything that he knows would hurt you.

Love him like a baby for he is still a little child who needs your affection every step of the way but respect him like a king if he needs to decide for the best of the family. Stand by him, through thick and thin if he has to fight for his principles and beliefs. You are his soulful mate, from who else should he get all these?

Be his soulmate. Connect with your man. For a successful marriage is more than just sex. It is a soulful connection. Be your partner's lan vital.


Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Wow, this is a masterful treatise on love and soulful marital relationship that no one else can profoundly expound but you. I agree with you that sex in marriage goes beyond a romantic tryst. As you say, it is the soulful connection between two people responsibly in love with each other and who are ever conscious of each others' needs and expectations. The object of love is the partner and not oneself. This way, they will not consciously hurt each other. They go through life through thick or thin and jointly face all challenges that come their way. Congratulations. You just wrote a masterpiece of an article worth the acclaim and recognition from your readers. Thanks for the post. God bless you always.


Wow, Mel...I am humbled..you have such a way with words for even your comments are enough to satisfy one's thoughts. Thanks for finding time to comment my dear friend. Be blessed and keep safe. :)

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