Friday, October 30, 2009

♡ Should ex-lovers be friends?

♡ Should ex-lovers be friends?
Originally uploaded by Bai Maleiha B. Candao
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
--Alfred Tennyson

By Bai Maleiha B. Candao

ABSOLUTELY,YES! But this is easier said than done.

Not all estranged partners end up being cordial with each other. One reason is that past hurts and pains will soon catch up with them. The face that one dreads would seem to look like a living nightmare even during the waking hours.

Sad but true. Solvable? Maybe, with civility, perhaps. But in truthfulness, the one who caused you so much pain would always be the last person you wanted to see or talk to.

But let us be objective in looking at this situation. What if you are married with kids? Do you have a choice? None, but it is a matter of personal decision. In the end, you can welcome the inevitable chance to discuss family issues for the betterment of your kids, sans the need to talk about reconciliation.

Being friends with an ex is totally different from living together again.

But if you need to be civil for the sake of the children,then embrace the need to be so.

Only you can draw the line. Only you know where you should stand in the face of all the issues at your hand.

For unmarried couples, reconciling is best to preserve friendship and civility of manners. Friendship is friendship. It means cordiality and kindness out of the dictates of one's education or breeding, or out of the simple reason that you just want to be kind to the person who hurt you in the past. Period.

Reconciling for mere friendship after a break-up depends on the gravity of reasons that caused the separation.

Saying hello when you both meet on the streets unexpectedly, or that both of you accidentally bumped into each other while malling, is not bad at all. In fact, this will show good breeding and finesse in one's character.

Well of course, it is easier said than done,as I have said earlier. This is very true to partners where one cheated and lied. But on the positive side, why not move on from the past and show your ex that his or her presence does not affect you at all, anymore.

If you are faking it, your partner will sense it. But if your sincerity is overwhelming, chances are, your ex will respect the friendship and might keep his or her distance. Not unless if your ex is still crazy about you.

Not being friends with your ex means not being able to move on, that is the usual adage, but it is not always the case. Some people, like me, distances myself from someone in my past to avoid giving the impression that I am open for reconciliation. If however, I received an unwanted visitor, the best way is to be civil. No more,no less.

Yes, there are cases of marital separation that is irreconcilable. The battle of principles weighs heavier than the mere emotionality of a broken heart.

The heart that has been broken can still heal and love again.A broken trust oftentimes takes a lifetime to heal.

On the other hand, if issues of break-up were minor ones, then friendship is not that hard to start after a couple of weeks or months. Some people take years before they could feel comfortable exchanging chats with their ex-lovers.

Friendship could also help establish direct communication to help dispel bad rumors about each other and may help bridge the gap that could eventually turn hostile if not remedied.

Let me however rephrase this question: Should ex-lovers be close friends again?

This is one point that has to be understood. Saying hi and hello to one's ex inside malls or anywhere owing to accidental meeting is very civil and advisable.

But getting too close and becoming close buddies is not impossible but the probability is low.

To sit down and chat closely as if the past did not happen is a big hypocrisy.

Finally, let me say it again that friends are always around, even an ex-lover could be one. But to have an ex for a close and trusted friend is not that easy.

It is not a sin to be kind with an ex. You can always forgive the person who hurt you and learn from the lessons of your past.



Walt said...

How do you quit loving someone? No matter how much love may fade over time. There is still a place in my heart for every soul that I have loved. The good or the bad, it makes no difference as long a I had once truly loved them.


I could only wish you success in your future relationship, Walt. I wish you smile and joy whenever memories of your past fill your heart and mind. Enjoy love and love will definitely enjoy you. God bless dear friend! :)

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Whether you can make a friend of an ex depends on the reason/s for the break up. If the break up was violent and has caused so much pain to both parties, it is best to avoid each other or just be civil when accidentally bumping on each other. No use becoming close friends again when there's no more trust for one another. If it is an ex husband or wife, they can communicate and interact for the sake of the children but on a safe distance. Thanks for the intriguing post. God bless you always.


I agree with you, Mel. That is very true! God bless you my good friend. :)

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