Thursday, March 19, 2009

How I Define Love?

Shall I define it using colorful words depicting flowers and sweet smelling strawberries above the tip of the iceberg?

Shall I use the same genre that many romantic people display on their blogs?

Shall I quote a poet or copy the words of many celebrities with regard to what their concept of love is.

NO. I will not do such things.

As a true person who believes in a balanced opinion, I would not attempt to conceal the reality of love but I shall relay the truth beyond the tip of the iceberg that lovers fail to notice because they are either blinded by strong emotions or caught up in a whirlwind romance.

It is hard to define the real concept of love because no two individuals share the same experience. There may be certain similarities, but the emotion and reaction of different people to love always vary in degree. Others call it "difference in perspectives."


Let me start on a positive note by saying that true love is not a lip service. It is a sincere emotion that moves an individual to share what she or he has, just to make the object of his/her affection happy and inspired.

It is the giving of oneself, beyond materialism. It is in the act of giving that a lover finds the completion of his or her emotions. It is in the thought of sharing that makes a relationship fulfilling. The end product is the essence of belongingness--one's belongingness to another person. One's finding himself in the heart of his beloved.


Literally, love is a poetry--an emotional rhyme. It is a need to make all moves and actions pleasant, affectionate, warm and sweet to the eyes, ears, heart and mind of the person adored. Love therefore is action oriented and reveals itself through the use of inspiring and calming words to caress the soul of one's beloved.

These are the sweet things about love. But the flip side of reality is the hurting truth we get out of it.


Here comes the painful truth by letting you see the contrast of all those emotions I have cited above-- the hurting bites that we get from love.

Personally, despite of the degree of education I got from books on the ideal concept of love, my intellect still contradicts the "sweet reality" as presented by romance authors like Barbra Cartland for instance.

Cartland's popular words found in her stories, "he swept her off her feet", is not the reality of love existing in all parts of the world. Such a description is confined only in the initial stage of romance but as it progresses (or regresses), the expected description is, "he left her or she left him", either way, that is always the truth.

There is no such thing as "living happily ever after." Perhaps it is more truthful to say "they have to OR NEED to live happily ever after". The presence of "having to" in my statement is to assert that once a person enters into marriage, he has to work hard to preserve it. He HAS TO stay married whether he likes it or not. That is the case here in the Philippines. Divorce is not allowed. It is every man's commitment to God and society to stay married for the sake of the children.

It is hypocritical to say that "all is well in the end" for we have many non-fictional stories disproving that.

However, there are also true-to-life stories like the "ladder of love" in China. It is an immortalized story about the undying love between a Chinese couple who left their hometown to live in the mountains.

The controversial love story captured international attention owing to the age gap between the man and the woman and the "loyalty" that bonded them until the man died. The striking part of this Chinese romance was the struggle which the couple had underwent just to stay together despite of society's condemnation of their relationship. This is similar to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet

But please do not forget that love stories of this nature is just a five percent of the sweet reality that exist in the interpersonal relationships of man.The remaining percentage evolved in the pains and documented life struggles of broken hearted couples who tried hard to prevail over their shattered emotional lives, let alone the sad stories of battered women.

Love is not always composed of smiles, roses, chocolates and kisses. You must always be ready for the tears and pains that inevitably comes along with it.

However, the fact remains that love is an everyday experience which is undeniably and indispensably important. Indeed, "it makes the world go round". We could not deny the times that love somehow made us smile.

Ideally, true love is a very positive emotion that can bring out the best in every person. It is inspiring and completing and knows no boundary of time and space. That is if it is true love and not a relationship serving only the interest of one party.


Always learn to love yourself first before you give love to others. As you strive hard to find the right and best love on this world, you must never close the possibility that one day you will get hurt and cry, not because of unmet expectations, but perhaps, you are not yet FULLY READY TO RECEIVE the love being offered to you. Hence, your actions might hurt the person who expects you to return the same intensity of affection.

Be honest therefore at the start. Never give false expectations.


TRUE LOVE is more often than not ending with a commitment to be owned and controlled by the other person. Therefore you need to know if you are ready to give up your independence.

I suggest that you need to think it several times before you tie the knot with your special someone.

They say that a failed relationship can make a person bitter making him close his heart to a new love. Bitterness is self-defeating. Every love story is unique. The only common thing about the experience is the dominance of emotions controlling one's thoughts and actions. That is why there is a need for self-control and to have an objective assessment of everything that occurs during the heightened emotional tide.

Do not be affected by your past no matter how painful it was.

True love is devoid of masks. Bare yourself under the light. Show yourself without hypocrisy. For truth in loving is freeing and sustaining.

If your love life is not colorful and if it has left pains in your heart, move on. Life does not stop for broken-hearted souls.

Fight, Smile and Live!

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