Saturday, February 28, 2009

What becomes YOU after marriage?


It is hypocritical to say that one can still be his old self like what he used to be before marriage. This is likened to saying that all living things remain static and does not show any slight change in their feature for it will be a total fallacy.

The pre-marital state is a phase of excitement, idealism and butterfly dreams loaded with bright colors aiming to establish an eighty-nine degree of perfection. Let us leave the eleven percent to unknown or unplanned events.

This is the period of "positivizing outlooks", meaning ignoring the anticipated difficulties and inspiring cloudy thoughts with emotions that are untainted at these times.

Why did I say untainted? He, he, he.. because reality does not bite yet.

Now here comes REALITY CHECKING IN after many years of the honeymoon stage, the truth finally comes out and shows itself to the couple. The monsters of married life are usually, to name a few: financial insufficiency, increasing communication gap, overloaded responsibility, time prioritization and decreasing physical intimacy.

Monthly bills composed of school bills, electric and water bills and daily needs are so hard to handle if the couple's earnings are not enough to sustain the increasing number of the family. Family planning may be a solution, and proper budgeting is also needed, but in most cases, when the couple wakes up each day with loads of bills to pay, their smiles disappear and their time for intimacy is ignored.

"Hey, honey. I can't. I have many problems to think of .." Husband replies:"so what do you think am I doing...enjoying doing crazy stuff at the office? I am also having problems"...then the fight ensues.

Let me not go into the details of those other monsters that I have already mentioned for they are all self-explanatory.

But this is the reality of married life: 80% goes to family responsibility and 20% goes to the couple's remaining energy, and the worst part is if they use their remaining energy for verbal fights..they will both end up depleted for intimacy at the conclusion of the day.

So what is the best thing to do before getting married?

BOTH PARTNERS should have already achieved financial stability and they should have planned out the best things to do: like a business for extra income and number of children to have so that it will give them ample time to sustain intimacy if they have a small family to handle.

They must also not just stay in love with each other but STAY COMMITTED TO LOVE EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT.

Whew!Hard! But marriage is easy-it is so easy to get married, but the hardest part is how to stay married forever when the man or the woman of your dreams suddenly turned out to be your worst critic.

Physical abuse is another story.

CAN YOU STILL BE YOURSELF AFTER MARRIAGE? Yes and no. It all depends on YOU.

You can change for the better or the opposite. But if you choose to be the same person that you were in the past just to please your partner, then you are doing injustice to yourself. You can still change for the better. Innovate your married life. If monotony ruins your self-growth then find time to discuss it with your spouse on how both of you could help each other make your marriage exciting as time goes by. Dedication and commitment must be your weapon to sustain your marriage.

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