Monday, December 22, 2008

My advice to a confused wife

I used to be active on yahoo answers two months ago but lately, I lack the time to go over many emotional ponders. Here is one of my favorite questions posted: (I did some minor editing with the spelling but I left the grammar untouched.)

How can i deal with this without it leading to an even bigger problem...?

My husband was off from work on Monday, i called out to go see the doc. because i' ve been having really bad headaches for the past month. I work full time 830 to 530 mon thru fri. I have a 2 yr. old and a 9 month old at home and im currently pregnant with #3.
I was at the doc all morning long and got home at 230pm. I got home and was feeling very sick because of the severe headache i had... later that night my husband asked for me to show him how to use the washer because he wanted to wash some clothes.

I was a little upset already because when i got home from the doc the kids were still wearing the same thing from the day before, they hadn't gotten a bath, my husband let them make a huge mess and didnt pick up, the bed was not even made... so, i was giving my kids a bath when he asked me to show him who to use the washer i told him to hold on, when i was done he said that he was hungry so i started to take out the food from the fridge when he said he wanted dominos. so i went ahead and ordered it for him.

I finally had a chance to show him and he did not want to get up and go put the clothes to wash so i said "whatever". Finally, he came up to me saying that i was lazy, that i dont cook for him, that i never want to do anything... i was just like OMFG!!!

I was getting ready to cook and he said no, i was busy giving the kids a bath, and i was going to show him how to use the machine!!! how dare him say that!!! it really pissed me off, and either way i stood home from work because i was not feeling good and he didnt care or show any consideration towards that.... am i wrong!? please help me...


Hello ! I might not give you the best answer but it does not matter. I am here for you as a friend and an objective adviser.

Firstly, let me just tell you that I admire your industry and dedication to your family. I admire you even more knowing that you are pregnant and I worry for your headaches. Consult with your doctor for headaches during pregnancy is one of the urgent signs to see your doctor.

Your husband is working too. Both of you are stressed and always tired considering that you have kids to take care of. Stress causes impatience and rude behavior. Hormones inside the body are not balanced causing erratic responses to daily chores.

However, your case is different dear. You are pregnant and when you are on the way, you are extremely sensitive. This is the period that husbands must exercise extreme care in dealing with their wives.

Your husband failed in this aspect. But please do not think of it as an over-all rate for his being a husband. Dear, you have kids and a marriage that may not be perfect but still a commitment. If he fails to deliver his best part on this aspect then find the right time to communicate how you feel with him. The time when he is in a good mood and you too, in your calmed state.

Whether he reacts positively or not, what is important is that he knows what you feel. If he truly loves you, you would notice sudden positive changes in him. If he finds it hard to change for you, let his conscience handle him.

In the meantime, stay away from stress. You have a baby inside you and your disposition in life will affect that precious life inside you in whatever way.

Keep smiling. Bad days are temporary. Look forward to better days.

Take care and good luck!


Mohamed Taher said...

You are far ahead of the Yahoo Ans crowd; I mean it (No kidding here).

Although what is making news (on yahoo's news page) today is just hype: Best of Yahoo! Canada Answers '08-- Keep up, even if Yahoo doesn't praise you for the best answer, personalized, emphatized and passionate.

Bai Maleiha B. Candao said...

Thanks Mohamed. Sometimes I just find the fulfillment to make someone smile like the lady in my article. I hope you are fine and smiling too. :)

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