♡ Should ex-lovers be friends?

♡ Should ex-lovers be friends?
Originally uploaded by Bai Maleiha B. Candao

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
--Alfred Tennyson



SHOULD EX-LOVERS BE FRIENDS?
By Bai Maleiha B. Candao

ABSOLUTELY,YES! But this is easier said than done.

Not all estranged partners end up being cordial with each other. One reason is that past hurts and pains will soon catch up with them. The face that one dreads would seem to look like a living nightmare even during the waking hours.

Sad but true. Solvable? Maybe, with civility, perhaps. But in truthfulness, the one who caused you so much pain would always be the last person you wanted to see or talk to.

But let us be objective in looking at this situation. What if you are married with kids? Do you have a choice? None, but it is a matter of personal decision. In the end, you can welcome the inevitable chance to discuss family issues for the betterment of your kids, sans the need to talk about reconciliation.

Being friends with an ex is totally different from living together again.

But if you need to be civil for the sake of the children,then embrace the need to be so.

Only you can draw the line. Only you know where you should stand in the face of all the issues at your hand.

For unmarried couples, reconciling is best to preserve friendship and civility of manners. Friendship is friendship. It means cordiality and kindness out of the dictates of one's education or breeding, or out of the simple reason that you just want to be kind to the person who hurt you in the past. Period.

Reconciling for mere friendship after a break-up depends on the gravity of reasons that caused the separation.

Saying hello when you both meet on the streets unexpectedly, or that both of you accidentally bumped into each other while malling, is not bad at all. In fact, this will show good breeding and finesse in one's character.

Well of course, it is easier said than done,as I have said earlier. This is very true to partners where one cheated and lied. But on the positive side, why not move on from the past and show your ex that his or her presence does not affect you at all, anymore.

If you are faking it, your partner will sense it. But if your sincerity is overwhelming, chances are, your ex will respect the friendship and might keep his or her distance. Not unless if your ex is still crazy about you.

Not being friends with your ex means not being able to move on, that is the usual adage, but it is not always the case. Some people, like me, distances myself from someone in my past to avoid giving the impression that I am open for reconciliation. If however, I received an unwanted visitor, the best way is to be civil. No more,no less.

Yes, there are cases of marital separation that is irreconcilable. The battle of principles weighs heavier than the mere emotionality of a broken heart.

The heart that has been broken can still heal and love again.A broken trust oftentimes takes a lifetime to heal.

On the other hand, if issues of break-up were minor ones, then friendship is not that hard to start after a couple of weeks or months. Some people take years before they could feel comfortable exchanging chats with their ex-lovers.

Friendship could also help establish direct communication to help dispel bad rumors about each other and may help bridge the gap that could eventually turn hostile if not remedied.

Let me however rephrase this question: Should ex-lovers be close friends again?

This is one point that has to be understood. Saying hi and hello to one's ex inside malls or anywhere owing to accidental meeting is very civil and advisable.

But getting too close and becoming close buddies is not impossible but the probability is low.

To sit down and chat closely as if the past did not happen is a big hypocrisy.

Finally, let me say it again that friends are always around, even an ex-lover could be one. But to have an ex for a close and trusted friend is not that easy.

It is not a sin to be kind with an ex. You can always forgive the person who hurt you and learn from the lessons of your past.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

❥ My Craft: Writing

❥ My Craft: Writing
Originally uploaded by Princess Activist

The online world is full of complexity. However, I face it with
optimism and faith in the goodness of people no matter who they
are. I welcome friendship regardless of who my friends are for it is
not my principle to ask my new-found friends who they are and what
makes them distinct from me and the rest. I would rather welcome
friendship with a sincere, "How are you?"

A daily purpose for my life is imperative if I need to aim for an
achievement that is relevant and productive both in the online
and real world. By definition, finding relevance in life is subjective.
However, it is through individual expression that separates
mediocrity from professionalism.

I am a writer, not only by profession but by choice as well.
Just like other artists, creating words and forms demand mental
ingenuity and originality. While painters and sculptors create with
their hands and soul to express what they want to share to the
world, I find meaning in using words to connect with my readers.

Each artist interprets commonalities of life by setting distinction
in their craft. The best part of it is they do it out of love and passion
for their work and not just for any monetary consideration.

Writing is my craft and I derive fulfillment from it. Transcribing my
thoughts and sharing it with others is self-actualizing. Getting
feedbacks allows me to interact with my readers and fellow
writers which contributes to a well anticipated life everyday,
online or in the real world.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

➪ Face of Poverty (329 views)

➪ Face of Poverty (329 views)
Originally uploaded by Princess Activist

✎ By Princess Maleiha

I found this photo in my yahoo group. You can see the innocent eyes of a child who is struggling in the face of poverty. His hands are overworked and his mind is imprisoned by the need to help his parents meet their basic needs for survival.

"Sabi ng isa.."nag-iigib lang ng tubig" ay "poverty" na?
Ang nakita niya kasi ay ang mga sisidlan ng tubig,
hindi niya nababanaag ang "sigaw ng saklolo" sa mga
matang nakakaawa...

Tumingin nga ng bahagya sa nakatago mong
konsensiya"

What is "Confusion" for me?

To be or not to be. This is the enigma of confusion.

Look around you and there is a random of symbols that can give rise to concepts like irony, opposites and similarities that could be taken in their literal or figurative form. Life is indeed complex and the arena of confusion.

How can we as normal beings not be confused when those people we looked up to are more often than not the ones causing the turmoil in our minds. Take for example a preacher who says things that he could not deliver by example. They could not walk the talk.

Confusion in my own definition is brought about by an inconsistent action by someone who we expect to be flawless and honest in every way, but only to find out that he failed to meet our expectations.

It is true that we do not love and live based on other people's expectations. But in the case of the example I cited above, this applies to people holding powerful or influential positions in our social and religious lives. Mostly, they are the people who we call as priests, nuns, teachers, media people, popular columnists, politicians or government leaders. The society looks up to them as leaders. Hence, it is inexcusable for them to blunder whether intentionally or not.

Moral confusion arises when a priest would tell a lie. This is unacceptable for the many who look at people of the church as holy and flawless. Meaning, that although lying is an inevitable human flaw, it is the confusing moral standard which we uphold that makes it unacceptable or hard to understand for a priest to be a liar.

It is equally confusing when a school teacher educates her students to practice the value of respect for one's chosen career, but she herself does not respect her profession. She secretly sells food products to her students and threatens to fail them in her class if they would not submit to her pressure.

In marriage, a wife gets bewildered if she finds out that her trusted husband, who constantly professed so much love for her, has plenty of extra-marital affairs.

Confusion sets in when expectations and reality do not meet halfway. Or when a truth is bared after masks were unveiled.

It is important to allow confusion to penetrate into our mental wavelengths for this will compel us to look at the details of our life without using colored lens. Confusion is our mental microscope enabling us to view the iota of our doubts and unanswered questions.

You and I are always confused about something. Welcome and face it. Learn and get over it fast but make sure that you will acquire a sense of truthful comprehension of the predicament that you are in.

How can your mind kill you?

When we speak of the human mind, we are in fact referring to the human brain, which controls the central nervous system. The part that controls the higher functions is the forebrain, while the other two parts, midbrain and hindbrain, are responsible for our unconscious and autonomic functions.

Also known as the seat of intelligence, the human brain has the power and control over one's character. How an individual thinks about himself and life in general will affect in no small measure his social attitude.

Psychological studies on personality and Sigmund Freud's attempt to explain the complex reality of the brain, through his theory on id,ego and superego were in fact a struggle to understand how the mind works and how it affects man's existence. The works of great minds in the past which brought to forth amazing discoveries on science, math and human behavior only prove that the mind is a powerful instrument that could control man's destiny.

The emergence of clinical psychopathology as another arena of studying the causality of human behavior anchored on its clinical history, is another testimony that attempts to contain the negative effects of man's twisted behavioral profile.

Hence, this article aims to dig a part of the hidden iceberg in man's brains and how it could possibly lead to imbalance in man's personality or human behavior.

A small awareness on this aspect might remind us all to reflect closely on how we react to everyday pressures and how we handle ourselves to face all those challenges.

Do we act favorably or do we sabotage our actions?

Let me expound.

A healthy mind is the one that inquires sans answers. It is the desire for retort that propels an intelligent mind to explore the details of life using a non-colored monocle. A mind that yearns for knowledge reads, converses, analyzes, then concludes. Hyperboles are a no, no, no.

We use our mental competence to understand our everyday issues. These include our interpersonal relationships, our office tasks and the decisions we need to make on a daily basis. A smart mind delivers the most balance decision after an objective study of a situation. All these are possible if your mind is healthy and capable of intelligent decisions.

But what happens if your mind is working against you?

One popular proof on the fatal result of one's mental illness is the case of the world's renowned Karen Carpenter of the "The Carpenters", who died of anorexia nervosa.

The term "anorexic" became popular after her death. It caused a worldwide hiatus which made people take a closer look at this kind of mental illness.

A person suffering from this emotional disorder literally starves herself. She induces forced vomiting out of the fear of becoming fat. The usual sufferers of this mental illness are young girls or women who have a morbid fear of becoming overweight. This is a concrete example of how a disturbed mind can be fatal to its host. An example of a woman whose own mind is her greatest enemy--the SUB-CONSCIOUS ENEMY.

In its physiological effect, "anorexia nervosa" take its toll on the appetite, diminishing its victim will to eat until the human body dies out of starvation.

Anorexic patients are obsessed with the idea that their bodies are fat and therefore they need to slim down. They rate themselves unfavorably owing to their body weight.

What I have just given as an example is a clinical case of an anorexic patient whose lifestyle is focused on one aspect: to become thin and attractive to everyone's eyes.

On the flip side, in application to one's mental anatomy, an anorexic mind is a mind that starves itself from real knowledge and refuses to absorb its need for it, hence, resulting to its in-utility.

This is common. You might now know, but maybe you are exhibiting an anorexic mind.

How?

Have you observed that you sub-consciously postpone some of the things you want to do despite of the fact that you know they will contribute to your self-growth? You postpone not because you have no means but because you REFUSE to do it, just because you DO NOT LIKE to do it.

A student who REJECTS the idea of studying his lessons; a wife who REFUSES to understand the causes of her marital woes with her husband; a husband who DENIES to acknowledge the sacrifices of his wife owing to his infidelity; a business partner who TURNS DOWN the idea of equal sharing of accrued profit with his partner owing to greed and other cases that illustrate one's capability to do something but DECLINES to do it owing to selfishness.

An anorexic mind, if allowed to control the subconscious, will become a mental habit that may result to ugly attitude in life which recognizes nothing but total self-engrossment.

An anorexic mind is a mind the does not accept explanation nor recognize fairness. It is a selfish desire to implement its will against any form of barrier.

Is this an exclusive reality of those people who are dumb? NO. An intelligent person could still exhibit "anorexic mind". If she would not welcome negotiations and would refuse to recognize his/her mistakes in life.

Is this an exclusive domain of women? No. Both sexes are doing it subconsciously.

This type of mind is fatal for it will not listen to reason. It is not likened to a stubborn mind that could still be influenced to change stance.

An anorexic mind is a closed mind, I repeat, a CLOSED MIND, which can not be opened by anyone including the host herself. It operates on its own creed and acts toward that belief until it will meets its end-or the consequences of such mentality.

Victims of anorexia nervosa are aware that they must eat in order to live. But their minds are already closed and no matter how they try to eat, their stomachs could not accept their food intake, hence vomiting follows. This is the result of extreme mental conditioning out of the fear that eating could result to obesity.

If applied to an "anorexic mind or behavior", the same symptoms or pattern of behavior will be exhibited, but not on getting thin but subliminally closing all avenues to view life with all its colors, joy and positivism.

The mind becomes so self-centered that it would disallow any form of interference as a threat to its stability. This therefore compels the owner to close it to preserve her own interest.

This article establishes one undeniable truth: The Human Mind is Dangerous if hosted by disturbed personality.

The mind has a will of its own. A caring psychological guidance that aims to neutralize the behavior of a pessimist to promote and develop positive view of life does not only depend on the trainings of a psychiatrist but must be supported with the love and patience from the immediate fanily members of the mentally disturbed individual.(end)

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WORDS TO WATCH IN THIS ARTICLE : Anorexic mind

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This is also published in my MIND TALK blog.

President Cory's Smile

President Corazon Cojuangco Aquino will be laid down to rest on August 5, 2009. She was a true moral leader who never failed to deliver what was expected of her during her incumbency.

My most vivid memory of her was her lovely and charming smile during the first inauguration of the regional government in Mindanao in 1990.

Her critics in the past accused her of not having quality leadership because she was indecisive at times. That is what they wrongly thought of her. Her critics failed to see that President Cory was not dictatorial in her leadership for she often delegated it to the people she trusted. She was open to consultations and sought the opinion of her credible leaders to arrive at a just decision. In fact, she did not run after her term despite the prodding of her political supporters. It showed the pureness of her heart and soul. She was indeed a lady worthy of respect and admiration.

President Cory will continue to live in the hearts of every Filipino for her legacy of democracy is untainted and beyond life itself.

In my heart I feel what my fellow Filipinos feel..we indeed lost a mother with a pure heart and soul. A prayerful president with a loving heart.

I will not say goodbye to President Cory for the only moment we will truly lose her is if we stop remembering the kindness of her soul and the spirit of freedom she left to every Filipino.

Fipinos are chanting "Cory!" as her coffin passed by Ayala Avenue in Makati today...and my heart chants with them from a distance.

Photo credit:
http://pinoywired.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/coryaquino.jpg

How To Start Dating Again When You Are Over 50?

I wrote this article with focus on the woman at 50 who is accomplished, both professionally and personally. This article is for one writing site in competition for a title category. However, I am no longer active in that site so I decided to share this with the readers of this blog. The idea is to ink an article that would both encourage and inspire a woman at 50.

The most beautiful woman is the woman of 50's. She has already accomplished a sense of completion either as a mother or a working woman. The man in her life would view her not on her chronological age but on her confidence in herself, for being able to excel in her chosen field.

It is wrong to think badly that when the first number of a woman's age strikes at 5, that means she is completely out of the female race. This is in fact the time to show the world who you are based on your personal achievements and the wholeness of the character you possessed.

Time has already taught you the humps of life and which road to take that is the shortest way to your dreams. At this age, you have managed to put in order all your priorities in life for your kids, as a single parent, or for your immediate family members if you are single and available.

This is the time to give yourself the chance to find the right man and for him to conquer you. It does not mean giving up your whole person to him but to experience the joy of having someone to hold you when you feel alone. Someone to lift up your spirit, to exchange intellectual conversations with you and most importantly, is to have someone to get soulfully connected with.

Sounds exciting! It is, great woman! So what are you waiting for?

How does a woman of your great character date at 50? Here are some tips that you could make use of to let the sun shine in your lips, in your eyes and stay glowing even when sunset comes:

1. Be ready with the clothes that will complement your body and skin. Consult a friend or a family member who has a sense of elegance when it comes to fashion. Yes, great lady, elegance should be the theme of your life now. It does not need to be expensive if you know the right approach to becoming one elegant lady at 50. You can read books or magazines on fashion. Just make sure that your natural character will come out with the clothes you wear for elegance in fashion also means simplicity and comfortability. The basic point is to be yourself in the clothes you wear.

2. Join social organizations or groups that will increase your chances to meet men who will choose a woman of your character. It is very common that many matured and responsible men go for women who are older than them for they feel at ease with their calm disposition. Younger women are oftentimes hysterical when disagreement with their loved ones ensues.

3. Be yourself. Never pretend to be who you are not. Men could easily sense if you are a fake or natural. Men love naturalism in women. They love how women laugh at their jokes and enjoy how they are well understood by women of your age. One attractive feature of matured women which is being sought after by men is their patience and understanding ways. With them there is no need for rushing things and eventually everything falls at the proper place.

Finally, enjoy every moment of your experience. The main idea is to be soulfully connected with your date and make him feel relaxed and not challenged by a great personality like yours. A listening ear is a gift of love. Listen more and talk less. Men will get crazy with you if you know how to treat them right.

So, great woman, what are you waiting for? Go out and explore your emotional world!